Learning about how the brain is designed to work can be a total game changer!! Specifically, learning about what’s going on when big emotions (think: anger, anxiety, fear, etc) flare can help you to regulate those big emotions much more quickly and easily.
This is a very simple explanation on how the brain works, originally taught by Dr. Dan Siegel. In very simplified terms, your brain has an “upstairs brain” (frontal cortex) and a “downstairs brain” (amygdala).
Your “downstairs brain” is fully functioning at birth and is the part of the brain wired for survival. This is the part of the brain responsible for:
- Basic bodily functions
- Emotional reactions
- Fight, Flight, Freeze, (and Fawn) reactions
- Allows you to act before you think (ex. Run away from the bad guy)
- Fully developed at birth
Your “upstairs brain,” is the seat for rational thinking. This is the part of your brain that is in control when you feel grounded and logical. It’s responsible for:
- Emotional regulation (control over your emotions)
- Decision-making
- Empathy
- Self-awareness
- Focus and concentration
- Allows you to think before you act
- Not fully developed until mid-20’s
(Yep, this explains why teens often struggle with impulsive decisions…they truly lack the capacity to consistently think through consequences and repercussions).
So putting this all together, this is how your brain works:
Typically, your upstairs brain is in control. However, when you encounter something in the course of your day that pushes your buttons, hits a sore spot from your past, or otherwise leaves you feeling instantly angry, furious, anxious, or fearful, your downstairs brain takes over the control panel. When this happens you (or others) might notice you’ve reacted more strongly than you (or they) think you should. We call this “Flipping Your Lid.”
When you Flip Your Lid, your cognitive, rational, upstairs part of the brain goes “offline.” And your emotional, survival brain is now driving the train. You may do or say things you’ll later regret…or not even remember. This is because you don’t have access to your upstairs, rational, thinking, calming part of your brain in that moment.
In fact, if you’ve experienced trauma, prolonged stress, attachment wounds, or conditions like ADHD, you may find yourself getting stuck in your downstairs brain more easily and unable to readily access your upstairs brain to “close the lid” and regulate your emotions.
Flipping Your Lid is what is happening when you fly off the handle or spiral into a panic attack, or over-react in some way! The good news is: there are tools and strategies to help you close the lid and bring that upstairs, rational, calming, thinking part of your brain back on board and driving the train again. Here’s a few tips to re-engage your upstairs brain:
- Count backwards from 100 by 3’s (or 7’s!)
- Recall your grocery (or Christmas) list items
- Talk with someone about what you’re looking forward to, what plans you have for the weekend
- Count backwards from 10 in Spanish
- Take slow deep breaths (try inhaling for a count of 4 and exhaling for a count of 6)
- Consider walking (very calming to the nervous system)
- Try drinking a glass of water, or eating a healthy snack (think: protein and complex carb, such as apple w/nut butter)
Once you are able bring your upstairs brain back on board and have calmed yourself, then consider reflecting on the situation, person, or place that caused you to flip your lid in the first place. To begin to identify your triggers or sore spots, ask yourself:
- What happened? Why was this a trigger for me? Why did this push my buttons?
- What thoughts did I have right before flipping my lid? (ex “I’m not in control,” “I feel threatened, I feel unsafe, I feel unheard, I feel disrespected,” etc).
- If this situation/trigger/etc. were to happen again, what could I do or say to keep my lid intact (or to keep it intact longer)?
Now that you know how your brain works, I encourage you to practice noticing when you Flip Your Lid over the next week. And see if you can utilize some of these strategies to bring that Upstairs Brain back on board. What are some triggers that cause you to flip your lid?
If you notice you tend to struggle with regulating big emotions, give me a call and let’s setup a free 15 minute consultation to see if counseling might be your next right step.