When Behaviors Deteriorate

What does this child need?

Behavior is communication…specifically, behavior is an attempt to communicate needs. 

When I begin to notice an increase in a child’s poor behaviors, I have learned to stop and assess why by asking:

What does this child need? 

Often, poor behaviors stem from a need for connection with a parent or caregiver or from some sort of physical need that is unmet:

Connection 

Does this child need connection with you? 

When was the last time you truly connected with your child? 

Some practical strategies to increase connection (in order to decrease poor behaviors) include:  

• • • • 5-10 minutes of one on one time (make eye contact, smile, talk, listen)
      • play a game together
      • sing a song together (consider including hand motions)
      • dance
      • tickle your child
      • weather report on their back
      • hug/cuddle

Physical Needs

Has this child had a healthy snack and/or water in the past 2-3 hours? 

Have they had any water to drink today?

Has my child had opportunity for recreation and play in the last 2-3 hours?

Some practical ways to meet the physical needs of a child: 

• • • • provide a drink of water or a nutritious snack
      • play with them
      • allow them unstructured time to just be-a-kid
      • schedule some down-time
      • spend some time hugging or cuddling
      • establish a predictable routine with some daily structure

Be proactive

Before your child’s behaviors deteriorate, focus on and address the connection and physical needs of your child in order to decrease behaviors overall and to decrease the need for disciplinary strategies. 

Fill their love tanks early and often each day! 

Kids thrive on quality time, as well as words of encouragement and healthy appropriate touch (think: hugs, high fives, back rubs, fist bumps, etc).

Consider setting an alarm and give the first 5-10 minutes of each hour to one-on-one time with your behaviorally challenging child, meeting the need for connection, as well as any physical needs you become aware of.

You can do this

Ask yourself: What does my child need right now? Would a connection strategy help to meet this need? Or would addressing a physical need be best? Or both?

The next time your child’s behavior begins to deteriorate a bit, ask yourself what this child might need in this moment. And then meet the need.

If you are interested in learning about this or other parenting strategies to use with your difficult child, feel free to contact me for a 15-minute consultation.