Ever wonder why you do the things you do? Why you have that nervous habit you’ve had for years or feel so angry all the time? I’ll show you…with a tree analogy I learned from Mercy Multiplied’s Keys to Freedom Bible Study. Here’s three things to know about getting to the root of the problem:
1. Picture your life as a tree.
BRANCHES
The branches are your behaviors and outward habits. Branches can be healthy or unhealthy. Healthy habits and behaviors may look like: kindness, positive attitude, friendly, assertive, etc. Common unhealthy branches/behaviors:
- Inability to commit to relationships, a church, a job, etc.
- Lack of healthy boundaries
- People-pleasing behaviors (struggle to say “no” and finding self worth through acceptance of others)
- Workaholism
- Promiscuity
- Putting others down, comparison, feeling threatened by other’s success
- Bullish/aggressive/intimidating behaviors
- Isolation
- Manipulation (actions that position one to stay in control of others and situations)
- Codependency
- Emotional instability (either disconnected from emotion or ruled by emotion)
- Insecurity
- Perfectionism
- Self Sufficiency
- Arrogance
More serious “life-controlling” branches/behaviors:
- Eating Disorders
- Addiction (alcohol, drugs, pornography, social media, work, video games, etc)
- Self harm
- Depression
- Anxiety disorders and panic attacks (insomnia, OCD, etc)
**List via Keys to Freedom by Mercy Multiplied
TRUNK
The trunk is your belief system that’s developed throughout your life. A trunk supports the branches. In the same way, your beliefs support or influence your behaviors. The trunk represents what you actually believe, not what you say you believe. Healthy beliefs support healthy behaviors. Unhealthy beliefs (known spiritually as “lies") promote unhealthy behaviors.
ROOTS
The roots represent the situations that occurred in your past, most often in childhood, that made those “trunk” beliefs possible. A tree is only as healthy as its roots. Its trunk and branches will reflect the health of the roots underneath the surface. So, your roots influence your beliefs, which determine your behaviors. Harmful roots grow from imperfect people and imperfect circumstances in our lives, such as: abuse of any kind, neglect, parental divorce, being teased or bullied, abandonment, rejection, traumatic events, loss of a loved one, and serious or chronic illness. Some common harmful roots:
- Abandonment
- Rejection
- Worthlessness
- Shame
- Fear
- Pride
- Bitterness
- Despair
**List via Keys to Freedom by Mercy Multiplied
2. CAN’T FOCUS JUST ON THE BRANCHES
The problem is many types of counseling focus solely on the branch behaviors (behavior modification), employing coping strategies to manage the troubling behaviors. This may work for a time and bring a measure of relief from the symptoms, however, this approach does not get to the root of the problem, and therefore does not produce long lasting change. Sometimes we may even try and “will” ourselves to stop the unhealthy branch behavior by asserting self control. This can work for some, but often those problem behaviors return and we may be unable to sustain long term relief from the behavior. And, just like in real life, when you cut off a branch, it can grow back…sometimes x2!
3. GOTTA ADDRESS THE ROOTS
There’s a better way to heal the branches…and the entire tree! Our brains and bodies are designed in such a way that when we trace the problem behaviors back and address them at their roots…the situations that happened that made these unhealthy behaviors an option for us in the first place…then we can begin to experience the replacing of the lies and unhealthy beliefs with healthier, more truthful ones. For Christians, this is Romans 12:2 in action: “renewing our minds.” As a result, over time, we begin to notice our unhealthy branches transform into healthier behaviors. In my counseling, I help teen and young adult women just like you manage bothersome, unhealthy “branch” behaviors to bring some relief as quickly as possible. However, I don’t stop there. We work together to identify and address the root of the behaviors, so you can re-wire your tree and find lasting freedom from unhealthy habits and behaviors.
If you’re tired of simply managing unhealthy branches, and you’ve got some bothersome behaviors or habits you’d like to pull out by the roots, I’d be honored to journey with you and guide you toward freedom!
References:
- Keys to Freedom by Mercy Multiplied