Forgiveness can be one of the hardest—but most healing—steps we ever take. Whether you’re navigating the pain of betrayal or working through unresolved hurt, understanding forgiveness from both a clinical and biblical perspective can be life-changing.

As a professional counselor, I often hear clients ask:

• “Do I really have to forgive?”
• “What if the person never says sorry?”
• “I can’t forgive, I don’t want to forget what happened.”

“Forgiveness doesn’t excuse their behavior. Forgiveness prevents their behavior from destroying your heart.”– Lisa TerKeurst

Let’s explore the truth about forgiveness—what it is, what it isn’t, and how you can begin the journey toward emotional and spiritual healing.

Forgiveness is a Path to Healing

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. When we hold onto anger, resentment, or bitterness, our emotional and physical well-being suffers. Forgiveness allows us to release the weight of pain and the responsibility of revenge.

Forgiving someone doesn't mean the pain wasn't real. It means you’re choosing to stop carrying it and hand it (and them) over to God.

Common Myths About Forgiveness (That Hold Us Back)

To move forward, we have to let go of some myths. Here are a few I often address in counseling sessions:

❌ Myth #1: Forgive and Forget

Real forgiveness doesn’t require amnesia. In fact, part of forgiving is counting the cost, remembering the facts and the impact of what happened. In addition, remembering with wisdom helps us set healthy boundaries.

❌ Myth #2: Time Heals All Wounds

Time can sometimes dull pain, but forgiveness—is what brings true freedom.

❌ Myth #3: Forgiveness Means Reconciliation

Forgiveness is something you can do on your own. Reconciliation requires mutual effort, safety, and trust. Sometimes reconciliation is not possible, and may even be unsafe. You can always choose to forgive. Reconciliation depends on several factors.

Biblical Forgiveness: What Scripture Really Says

As a Christian counselor, I believe in the transformative power of biblical forgiveness. Scripture makes it clear that forgiveness isn’t just a suggestion—it’s a command. But it’s also a reflection of God’s heart for us.

• “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” – Ephesians 4:32
• “How many times shall I forgive? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” – Matthew 18:21–22

These verses aren’t about enabling harm. They’re about releasing ourselves from the prison of unforgiveness and trusting God with justice.

Lisa TerKeurst’s Red Felt Forgiveness Activity

One of the most powerful forgiveness tools I’ve seen comes from Lisa TerKeurst, bestselling author of Forgiving What You Can’t Forget. She describes a red felt activity to help people process their pain and release it to God.

Check out the podcast episode below for a detailed explanation of the process!

Final Thoughts: You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

Forgiveness takes courage. Whether you're in the middle of deep grief, anger, or confusion, know this: you are not alone. Healing is possible, and forgiveness is a powerful first step.

If you’re struggling with forgiveness, Christian counseling can help you process the pain, work through spiritual questions, and take healthy, hope-filled steps toward healing.

✅ Ready to Begin Your Healing Journey?

Reach out to book a free call today to determine your next best steps or listen to the podcast episode below.