Hey! If you'd rather listen than read a blog, no worries! Scroll down to the bottom of this post where you'll find my podcast episode on this same topic!
Navigating relationships as a teen or young adult can be tricky. Whether it's in a dating situation, family dynamics, or even friendships, it's so easy to fall into unhealthy patterns without realizing it.
But recognizing the signs of a toxic or off-balance relationship is a huge step toward healing and growth. Let’s break it down:
Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship:
- Control and Manipulation: One person controls the other’s actions through guilt, threats, or mood swings.
- Isolation: You find yourself pulling away from other friends and losing your social circle…or you’re pulling away from family.
- Giving More Than Receiving: Relationships should be mutually supportive. If you're always giving, or always taking, it’s an imbalance that’s hard to sustain.
- Dependency: Overly-relying on another person emotionally or physically is unhealthy. Relationships need space and balance, not codependency.
- Blurred Boundaries: You can’t tell where they end and you begin—emotionally, mentally, or physically.
- Draining, Not Energizing: Relationships should add to your life, not leave you consistently feeling exhausted, confused, or overwhelmed.
- Abuse of any kind – emotional, physical, or sexual – is a huge red flag. Emotional abuse might include consistently being criticized, put down, or made to feel bad about yourself. Physical abuse might look like being hit, kicked, pushed, or any other form of physical aggression. If that’s happening, help is available. Take a brave step and reach out to someone you trust. I'm including hotlines at the bottom of the post that you can access for free if you need them.
What’s a Healthy Relationship Look Like?
Now, let’s flip the script. What does a healthy relationship look like?
Well, first of all, It’s not about perfection, it's about balance. But, Here’s a few qualities you should expect:
- Trust – You can rely on each other, and feel safe. You can be honest and not fear judgment, criticism, or rage.
- Respect – Valuing each other’s thoughts and feelings.
- Boundaries – Respecting each other’s space and independence, as well as their “no.”
- Compromise – Meeting in the middle and finding solutions that work for both of you (give and take).
- Responsibility – Owning your actions and making things right when you mess up.
- Fun! – Enjoying each other’s company and lifting each other up, not dragging each other down.
Remember, no one’s perfect. We all mess up sometimes. We all have room to grow as far as relationships are concerned, so it’s not just about the occasional slip-up.
It’s about looking for consistent patterns and determining whether these patterns are consistently negative and life-draining or positive and life-giving over time.
What to Do About It
- Be Honest with Yourself: Recognize unhealthy patterns, whether you’re the one controlling or being controlled.
- Set Boundaries: Establish (or regain) your sense of self in the relationship. This could require ending the relationship.
- Involve Others: Ask for support from trusted friends, family, or mentors who can help guide you toward a healthier space.
- Explore the Root: Ask yourself why these patterns exist. Maybe past experiences or unmet needs have made unhealthy relationships feel familiar. Talking to someone can help you process and heal.
Relationships are meant to be life-giving, but when they turn unhealthy, it can be spiritually, mentally, and emotionally draining.
Don't be afraid to seek help and take the steps to break free from any toxic patterns you might be facing. You deserve to thrive in relationships that honor and respect you!
Resources
If you find yourself in a toxic, entangled relationship, there is help and hope. Reach out to someone you trust or consider one of these resources:
Focus on the Family – Counseling Services: https://www.focusonthefamily.com
National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7 confidential support for anyone in an abusive relationship.).
- Website: https://www.thehotline.org
- Phone: 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233)
- Text: Text "START" to 88788
National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN) (Confidential help, resources, and can connect you to local services for anyone impacted by sexual violence).
- Website: https://www.rainn.org
- Phone: 1-800-656-HOPE (1-800-656-4673)
- Text: Text "RAINN" to 741741
Crisis Text Line (connects you with a trained crisis counselor who can help you through any emotional or mental health crisis):
- Website: https://www.crisistextline.org
- Text: Text HOME to 741741 for free, 24/7 crisis counseling.
Need a Christian Counselor? Click here to learn how to find a good one.
Here's a podcast I recorded on this same topic. Check it out!