We’ve all been there—a friend or family member comes to us with something big they want to share. 

It could be a personal struggle, a relationship challenge, or even a major life decision. 

In these moments, it’s easy to feel unsure about how to respond. 

You want to offer support, but sometimes it can be hard to find the right words.

So, how can you be the kind of friend or mentor that truly helps in times of crisis?

I’m going to share four essential steps to support someone in need: Listen, Encourage, Guide, and Refer. 

Let’s break each one down:

1. Listen: The Most Powerful Gift You Can Offer

When someone comes to you with something heavy on their heart, the first and most important thing you can do is listen. 

Sounds simple, but listening isn’t always as easy as it seems.

Often, we hear just enough to start thinking about what we’re going to say next, rather than fully engaging in what the other person is sharing. 

This is where the real power of listening comes in: when you listen attentively, you communicate that they matter and that their feelings are valid.

Tip: Avoid jumping into “fix-it mode” too quickly. People don’t always want solutions right away—they often just need to feel heard. 

Let them share without judgment or interruption. One way to hear them out is to use phrases like, “That’s interesting, tell me more” and/or “Is there anything else?”

2. Encourage: Affirm Their Feelings and Identity

Once you’ve really listened, it’s time to encourage. It’s normal to feel afraid of saying the wrong thing, but remember, encouragement isn’t about solving their problem—it’s about validating their feelings and offering hope.

What should you avoid saying? Phrases like, “At least…,” or “I totally get it.” These might seem like comforting words, but they can come off as dismissive of their pain. 

Instead, focus on acknowledging their courage for opening up and sharing this with you. 

You can even help them know they’re not alone in how they’re feeling and/or what they’re going through…assure them that others have experienced similar things!

Remind them that their current feelings won’t last forever: “The way you feel today is not the way it will always feel.” 

And don’t forget to remind them of their worth—help them reconnect with their identity in Christ. They are more than conquerors, loved, valuable, etc.

Tip: If you’re unsure about what to say, ask, “How can I help/support you right now?” and see what they need most.

3. Guide: Help Them Take the Next Step

Sometimes, your friend just needs to process things out loud and figure out the next step. 

This is where you can offer some guidance.

You might help them find a small group to get involved in or help them set healthy boundaries in relationships. 

Other next steps could be to encourage regular quiet time with God, suggest Scriptures that could be comforting, or remind them that God’s presence is with them even in the darkest times.

Tip: If you’re unsure, ask open-ended questions like, "What do you think would help you right now?" or "What feels like the next right step for you?" 

This empowers them to decide the best next step for themselves…with your support.

4. Refer: Know When to Seek Outside Help

There are times when the situation is too big for you to handle alone. 

If someone is dealing with life-threatening or life-controlling issues, like self-harm, suicidal thoughts, addiction, disordered eating, abuse, etc, it’s important to refer them to a professional who can offer specialized care. 

If they’re a minor, you’ll want to involve a parent or other family member who can get care for them.

In some cases, the situation might not be life-threatening but still requires more time, expertise, or support than you can give. 

For example, when you’re on the phone with them all night making sure they make it to daylight, it’s time for outside help. 

It’s okay to recognize your limits and seek help from others, whether that’s their parents, a counselor, or a mentor.

Tip: If you're unsure of where to refer them, consider looking up faith-based counseling centers in your area. 

There’s no shame in getting professional help when it’s needed.

Final Thoughts

Supporting someone in crisis can feel overwhelming, and thankfully, not all friends will require referrals. 

By focusing on listening, encouraging, guiding, and referring when necessary, you can be the safe space they need. 

Remember: you don’t have to have all the answers. 

Sometimes the most important thing you can offer is your presence and your willingness to truly hear them out. 

If you’re ever unsure of where to turn, don’t hesitate to seek out additional help. You don’t have to do this alone!

Resources for Finding Help:

• Finding a Christian Counselor: https://shelleyspence.com/how-to-find-a-christian-counselor 
• Lifeline Crisis Hotline: 800-273-TALK (8255)

In addition, consider looking up local support groups in your area, as needed: 

• Faith-Based Support Groups: Divorce, abortion, addiction, grief, crisis pregnancy, domestic violence, etc.

If you prefer to listen rather than read, here's a podcast on the same topic!