Anger isn’t something we’re usually encouraged to talk about—especially as women, and even more so as Christian women. Whether you were taught to “be nice,” “keep the peace,” or just “let it go,” the message was often clear: anger is bad, dangerous, or unladylike.

But what if I told you anger isn’t the enemy? In fact, anger can be a gift.

As a professional counselor working with women and young adults, I’ve seen firsthand how hidden anger and buried resentment can quietly erode mental health, damage relationships, and even affect your sense of identity. But I’ve also seen how acknowledging and expressing anger in healthy, God-honoring ways can lead to incredible healing and freedom.

Let’s explore what Christian women need to know about hidden anger—and what you can do with it.

🧠 Is Anger a Sin?

Let’s clear this up right away: Anger is not a sin.

The Bible tells us, “In your anger, do not sin” (Ephesians 4:26). That means the emotion itself isn’t sinful—it’s what we do with it that matters. Jesus himself expressed anger when He flipped tables in the temple (John 2:13–17), revealing His passion for holiness in the temple, and for not taking advantage of His people.

So, anger is a God-given emotion, and it is good. It is data and a sign post that points to something needing attention under the surface.

🚨 The Problem with Stuffing Anger

Many Christian women I work with don’t even realize they’re angry—until their bodies, minds, or relationships start showing signs. Some of the most common effects of unprocessed or hidden anger include:

• Chronic stress or irritability
• Emotional numbness or disconnection from self
• Depression or anxiety
• Passive-aggressive behavior
• Feeling stuck in unforgiveness or bitterness
• Relational breakdowns with family, friends, or a partner

Unspoken anger doesn’t just go away—it gets stored. And often, it comes out later in less-than-healthy ways.

🎯 Anger Is a Messenger

Author and therapist Chip Dodd writes in The Voice of the Heart that anger’s “gift” is passion. Think about that for a second:

• If you’re angry about injustice, your passion is for fairness.
• If you’re angry someone hurt you, your passion is for safety, dignity, or respect.
• If you’re angry as a mom, your passion is likely for your child’s well-being.

Anger is a secondary emotion. It doesn’t travel alone. Because beneath the anger, there’s almost always something deeper: hurt, fear, shame, or sadness.

💡 Healthy Ways to Process Anger

God doesn’t ask us to ignore our emotions—He invites us to bring them into the light.

Here are faith-based, therapeutic tools to help you manage your anger in ways that are emotionally and spiritually healthy:

1. Name It to Tame It

Simply saying, “I feel really angry right now” can be powerful. Naming the emotion helps reduce its intensity and gives you a moment to pause before reacting.

2. Journal or Verbally Process It

Use a journal or talk to a mentor or counselor. Ask yourself:

• When did this anger start?
• What is it connected to?
• What deeper emotion might be under this anger?
• What value or passion is being violated?
• If your anger could talk, what would it want us to know?

3. Release the Energy Physically

Anger carries energy, and your body needs a release. Try:

• Throwing ice cubes at a sidewalk
• Punching a pillow
• Going for a run or brisk walk
• Rip paper or cardboard
• Kickboxing or other exercise
• Loud music and “angry cleaning” (yes, it’s a thing!)

4. Forgive, Even if It’s a Process

Resentment keeps you stuck. Forgiveness isn’t about pretending nothing happened—it’s about releasing the desire for revenge and trusting God with the outcome. Want help walking through forgiveness? Check out my blog on Forgiveness or the Becoming Unhindered Podcast Episode 20 on Forgiveness for a deeper dive.

🙋‍♀️ You’re Not Broken—You’re Human

If you’ve been stuffing anger for years and now feel emotionally flat or disconnected, you’re not alone. You’re also not too far gone. God created your emotions as signals. When you learn to listen to what your anger is telling you, healing can begin.

Need help working through your anger or emotions? I offer faith-based counseling for women and young adults living in Tennessee. Reach out today for a free consultation or to book an online session.

📞 901-296-3277 

📧 hello@shelleyspence.com

🎧 Want to Go Deeper?

If this post resonated with you, I invite you to listen to the full podcast episode:

👉 🎙️ Living with Hidden Anger & Resentment: What Your Anger Is Trying to Tell You

In this episode, I share:

• My personal story of hidden anger and healing
• The spiritual and emotional impact of unprocessed emotions
• Practical, biblical steps for releasing anger in healthy ways
• Encouragement for women who feel stuck, resentful, or emotionally numb