Are You Carrying Patterns That Aren’t Yours?
Have you ever wondered why certain struggles, reactions, or habits seem to run in the family? Maybe it’s an unspoken pressure to be perfect. Maybe it’s cycles of conflict, addiction, emotional distance—or maybe even strong values like faith, generosity, or work ethic.
These are called generational patterns—and every family has them. The good news? You have the power to recognize what’s been passed down to you and choose what ends with you.
As a Christian counselor and Life Coach, I’ve walked with countless individuals and families through the process of identifying both the generational blessings and generational brokenness shaping their lives. In this post (and on the podcast episode linked below), we’ll explore how you can begin to take inventory of your family legacy—and start changing your future today.
What Are Generational Patterns?
Generational patterns are behaviors, attitudes, coping mechanisms, emotional dynamics, and spiritual tendencies passed down—consciously or unconsciously—from one generation to the next. They can be:
- Positive (generosity, resilience, faith, strong work ethic, loyalty)
- Negative (abuse, addiction, avoidance, control, emotional instability)
Whether you come from a deeply dysfunctional family or a high-functioning one, you’ve inherited both blessings and burdens. Every family passes down positive and negative patterns.
Common Negative Generational Patterns:
Here are some examples of generational patterns I often see in counseling:
- Chronic anger or a short temper
- Emotional detachment or instability
- Divorce, infidelity, or broken relationships
- Substance abuse or addiction
- Control, manipulation, or perfectionism
- A poverty mentality or fear of success
- Criticism, negativity, or harsh inner dialogue
- Depression or anxiety passed through family culture
But There Are Also Generational Blessings
In the counseling world, we often focus on what’s broken—but it’s just as important to identify what’s beautiful in your family line. Every family has at least one positive pattern worth celebrating and building on.
Examples of generational blessings:
- Unconditional love
- Strong faith in God
- Hospitality and generosity
- Strong marriage values
- Wisdom and discernment
- Ability to persevere in hardship
- Commitment to service or community
Tip: Ask God to show you the blessings in your family and reveal the brokenness.
What If You're Adopted or Don’t Know Your Family History?
God is still able to reveal what you need to know. Pay attention to patterns you’ve seen in your caregivers, adoptive family, or spiritual mentors. Ask the Holy Spirit to show you what needs healing or celebrating.
How to Break Negative Generational Patterns
When we surrender our lives to Christ, we become a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17). Our identity is not rooted in our family’s dysfunction but in God's truth. However, there’s often work to do—spiritually and practically—to break old cycles and choose new paths.
🔹 Step 1: Recognize the Pattern
Name it. Write it down. Ask God to show you clearly what you're dealing with.
🔹 Step 2: Confess & Renounce
Bring it to God in prayer. Confess the generational sin on behalf of your family line. Receive His forgiveness.
🔹 Step 3: Replace with Truth & Blessing
Ask God to reveal a generational blessing or promise to replace what’s been broken.
🔹 Step 4: Make New Choices
Healing is spiritual and practical. What choices can you make today that help you to choose life for your family…to break the negative pattern? (See Deuteronomy 30:19)
Real-Life Example: Breaking a Pattern of Criticism
Before a family visit with a relative known for being critical, I prayed. I confessed this pattern on behalf of my family and asked God to not allow this pattern to continue. The visit? Completely different. My kids even commented on how positive and light it felt. And subsequent visits with this relative continued to be more pleasant! That’s the power of identifying and breaking a generational pattern.
You Can Be the Transitional Generation
You don’t have to repeat what’s been handed down to you. You can be the one who turns the tide in your family. You can choose life—and leave a legacy of faith and freedom for your children and grandchildren.
Final Encouragement
You are not a victim of your family’s generational patterns. In Christ, you have the ability to choose a different path. The patterns in your family may explain some things—but they don’t have to define you.
💬 Have you identified a generational pattern—good or bad—in your life? Share your thoughts in the comments. I'd love to hear your story.
🎧 Want to go deeper? Listen to the full podcast episode: