As we are in the first few days of a fresh new year, many of my clients have been updating their counseling goals and setting intentions for how they want to do life over the next few months. 

One tool they’ve found especially helpful in decision-making…whether deciding on a seasonal goal or a daily task…is a Values exercise.

Values are the qualities and characteristics that are most important to us, and they’re often reflected in our behaviors and actions. 

Knowing our values can help us make decisions that align with our beliefs…decisions we can feel good about and that will help us become the person we want to become and move our lives in the direction we desire to go.

Often, we kind of “float” through life without really identifying our values. However, identifying our values helps us to prioritize them. 

Taking inventory of the qualities and characteristics we truly value can be helpful in living a life with intention…and make decisions about life so much easier!

It can be helpful to determine your values across four different areas of your life: Health, Relationships, Work, and Play.

Your "Lived" Values

Here's a few ways to identify the values you currently live by. 

1.   A “Feel Good” Memory 

Think of a sweet memory and feel the “feels" and emotions of that moment. What is most meaningful about that memory to you?

2.   A Speech

Imagine a couple of people make a speech for your big milestone birthday. What would they say you’re all about? What characteristics or qualities would they say you have modeled for them? How would they describe what you mean to them?

3.   Reflect on your Pain

Your emotional discomfort and pain can often help you identify what really matters to you, what you truly care about deep down, and what is most important to you.

These three exercises can help you to determine your “lived values”…the qualities that you demonstrate currently (or in your recent past) by your actions, behaviors, choices, and the way you spend your time.

Your desired values

Sometimes these “lived values” line up nicely with our intended values. However, sometimes we might notice our “lived values” don’t necessarily have us going in the direction we’d like to go and don’t accurately reflect what we truly want our life to be about.

One way to identify what you truly value is an exercise called a Values Sort, a process where you narrow down your top 3-5 values from a list of 20. I like this one here:

Once you identify your top 3-5 values, then you can make decisions about daily tasks, quarterly goals, etc based on how well they support one or more of your values. 

With consistency, over time, you’ll begin to notice your life reflecting each of your top values…and you’ll feel proud of the direction you’re heading in!

And in case you’re curious, I briefly describe my top 3 values for my counseling practice here. :)